Saturday, March 28, 2009


To hear him sobbing like that broke my heart. Last time I saw him like that was the night before he left for University. But unlike that time, I felt sorry for him, sympathy, pity and not love. He says that one day we shall be together, and that I am the ONE for him. He believes in it so much that nothing i can say will make him change his mind. ONE YEAR! ONE WHOLE YEAR and he's still pining for me. He still misses me. After all the ignoring, all the meanness that I doled out on him in an effort to protect myself, and help him get over me, he STILL wants me back. He still wants a second chance.

I still miss the way we were. We were so happy. But I can't have that again with him. I will always go looking for someone who fulfills me like he did, who makes me happy and content like he did, who looks at me the way he did. But it won't be him again. I simply don't love him anymore. I haven't loved him for more than the year that we have not been a couple. It just took me some time to realize that.

He says that noone will love me as much as he loves me. It's possible. He loved me SO much, to the point at which it was obsessive. But he deserves that love to be reciprocated, and I'm not the person for that.

He says he'll wait, for as long as it takes. I told him that you can believe whatever you want to believe, that doesn't mean it will be true.

I want to LOVE as much as being loved. Why is that so hard? Am I incapable of such a love? Am I too hard hearted? I shun those who want to love me... and i go looking for those who don't. Why do I torture myself so?

Maybe I simply didn't find the right person to love. I thought he was right, I did love him, but time and space slowly drained that love in me.

Yet i STILL miss feeling that way. I still want to feel that way again. Who knows what awaits me in the future...

A bientôt

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