Sunday, May 24, 2009


There have been so many thoughts flitting across my mind in the last few days that I feel like i need let them out or else i will explode. I know that the only reason i'm about to explode is that i haven't had my daily doses of soul mate for the past week. But i feel like this blog will do for now. 

1. I'm selfish. 

My mum has been nagging me about this for a few days. I know that it's partly because she's tired and stressed because she's been travelling a lot last week, and the maid was gone for the week. So of course I apologized and silently listened to her. But i do know that what she says has a certain truth to it. I am quite the selfish person. I tend to put myself before others in certain occasions. Yet she's wrong too, because i feel like i'm more selfish than others. Humans as a species are selfish creatures. Survival of the fittest is esentially a concept that promotes selfishness. I know that i can be selfless with my family and friends, i know that when it comes down to it, i am not selfish when they really need me. 

2. I'm stressed 

Up until 2 days ago, i was stressing about not having received my offer pack. But after an email to the admissions office, and another to the vice deane, i finally received it. And now i'm stressing about money and accomodation. Money i know can be settled. My parents will pay for half, and the rest I'll get loans. Accomodation i'm working on. But my departure date has been pushed up, so I'll have to find accomodation sooner rather than later, and i'm not going to stop stressing till i'm SURE that i'll have a roof above my head when i get there! 

3. I'm busy

So many things to do, so little time! I have to finish off my projects at work before i stop in a month. Since my boss is finally back, I hope it'll progress smoothly. I want to go travelling in Sri Lanka before I leave, I want to go to the hills, and sea (especially Arugam Bay). And I have only 6 weekends left! Need to get that done soon because I'll have too many last minute details to sort out, to afford taking 2 days off. 

4. I'm sad

I'm sad because looking back on the last year spent here, despite be cursing the country, and hating being back, i still managed to have a very eventful, and productive year. I gained a lot of life experience, I met a lot of very interesting people, and learnt a lot of things about myself. And mostly, i got close to my brother, and my baby cousin. I'm going to miss them. I guess I'll miss my mum too, but i won't miss the drama and heartache that comes with her. I'm going to miss driving a LOT. I'm also going to miss the people i met here, the old friends I renewed ties with, and the new ones I made. I'm going to miss Sri Lanka, with all it's faults, it's still home, and in this time of renewal, and reconstruction, i really wish i could help out. 

5. I'm excited

I LOVE change! I love discovering new places, new people. I'm going to be learning something that i have wanted to learn about for a long time, something i've been talking about for just as long, something that is one big step towards making my dreams come true. I love my country, but i have to say that i was feeling like i was starting to stagnate here, and leaving is the best way to clean up my pond. I'm starting a whole new era of my life, a whole new chapter in my biography and i'm ever so excited to know what's going to be in it! 

6. I'm dissapointed 

I met someone who sparked my curiousity, peaked my interest, created a ripple in my pond. I'm dissapointed that it happened when I was about to leave. It's annoying because it happened just before I left france too. But as the french say, c'est la vie, que sera, sera. But... 

7. I'm hopeful 

Because i know that i haven't turned to stone. That my curiously CAN still be sparked, and there ARE still people out that who'll are capable of it. 

Seven is my favorite number. But there's something missing. I need one more to complete this set of emotions. 

8. I'm happy :) 

I like to think that i'm a positive person. And quite appropriately, number Eight it happiness. Kick eight down and you get infinity. So Infinite happiness. 

Through the roller coaster of emotions that i've gone through in the past few days. Happiness is something that caps it all. My life is changing, in a good way. I'm at a really good place right now. A place that i strove to reach ever since i came back. And now that i'm here, i'm happy. And i know that everything WILL fall into place. 

There's a sense of serenity that just fell on me like an soft invisible silk cloth falling from above. 

I hope everyone can find this one day. It feels SO GOOD! 

A bientôt

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