Sunday, April 26, 2009


I haven't been inspired to write for some time now... I guess it's the inactivity that has taken over my life that's seeping into my creativity and draining me of all creative impulse.

Surprisingly, changing my header picture seems to have done the trick. It's a illustration by Garance Doré, whose photographs I love as well.

I love the expression of the woman in this image. It's almost as if she's saying, "So what?", or more appropriately, "Et Alors?"... The cigerette held lightly and casually between her finger, and sultry eyes looking straight at you with conviction and pride.

But the best part is that she is wrapped in a shawl of smoke. I like it because that's how i feel these days... Like I see the world through a layer of smoke, that both distorts and protects. It distorts my image of the world around me, while at the same time protecting me from it. I feel like I am part of the society that surrounds me yet I am seperate, because of this cloud of smoke...

The main reason for this 'smoke shawl' is the fact that my time in Colombo is coming to an end. I don't know when I'll be living here again, and hopefully it won't be for quite a few years. In the few months I've been back, I've met many people, had many experiences that not only helped me answer questions about myself, but made me pose more questions about who I am. Of course, self discovery is a process that might never have a conclusion, but I feel like I've reached a point where I'm comfortable with who I am, and confident that I am a good person. For essentially, that's who I want to be: a good person. I'm neither naughty nor nice. I am simply ME and I am good.

The 'smoke shawl', I think will help me in the transition from this stage of my life to the next which I shall be entering in just a few short months. I can hide behind it and observe those who surround me without being fazed by whatever is happening in the 'outside world'. Sometimes I feel lonely in this enshrouded world that I have created for myself. There are only a couple of people who have the right to cross the smoke veil. And none of them are here with me. I feel like more of an introvert than I've ever felt in a very long time. I shun all attachment. In my quest to be as free as a bird, I am trapping myself in a cage of smoke. But I know it's only temporary. I will shrug off the smoke shawl as soon as I start the next phase of my life. I hope this will make the transition easier, smoother, and less painful.

A bientôt

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