Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Simple Life

They say that life is what you make of it. They also say that you reap what you sow. So, if you make you’re life complicated, you can’t expect it to be anything more or less than exactly that.

I think I’m a complicated person. I also think that people are complicated in general. But then again, some, like me, are not only complicated, but want complicated things. I expect a lot from life, I look to the stars and beyond, and I believe that my ambitions can be achieved, someday, somehow. I have a lot of things I want to see, a lot of things I want to do, many experiences I would like to add to my ever-growing list. The fact that I want to make so much of my life, and want to reap so many different kinds of things, in such a vast area, makes actually SOWING that harvest so much more difficult. To a point when sometimes my hope falters, and I question myself as to whether I’ll actually reach those stars one day… It also makes me wonder if my expectations of life are too high, too complicated. These thoughts are fuelled by the examples I see of those who live what I consider to be a ‘Simple Life’, and who are absolutely happy with what they have.

One example is my second cousin (mum’s cousins daughter). She went to a normal public school, got normal A-Level results; in fact did them twice from what I recall, got a normal job. I would, as might be guessed, peg her as a normal girl. A few years ago, she married a pretty normal guy, and recently she had her first baby. And all before she hit 30.

We went to visit her today, and I saw how happy she was. Her husband was loving, kind, and great with the baby, the baby was beautiful and healthy, and she lived pretty comfortably, not lacking for anything that was essential. It all seemed so simple. This is what she expected of her life: to be married, with children, living in a good house, with a good job and happy.

I look at myself and realise how I could never be happy with just that. I can’t have a normal job, I want an extraordinary job, a job that is really hard to get, but which I know would be ideal for me. I want to be the Secretary General of the UNO. And I can’t have a normal husband. My partner (notice I said partner, not husband), if I ever have one, needs to stimulate me in every possible way. He needs to keep up with me, and ideally, I should be trying to keep up with him. I want him to be smarter than I am, but equally ambitious and he has to challenge me, be it in the bedroom or the boardroom. So in addition to loving me, he also has to fulfil all these requirements and more to not only win my love, but also the place at my arm. The house, I really don’t mind, if I had my dream job, and my dream partner I think I would be complete enough to live anywhere. And as for children, for now, I’m not sure. If ‘he’ convinces me it’s a good idea, and if ‘he’ can guarantee twins or triplets, then I might consider…

But I digress.

That was but a short rendition of the high expectations that I harbour. Yet I think it is sufficient to express how complicated it all would be to obtain. My job itself would require at least 5 more years of education, and many many more years of work experience, political backing, and some old fashioned good luck! The man, well that is something I cannot time, although I would if I could.

And I know that I need all of this to be really happy with my life. I know that the process of getting there will make me very happy. But I will not be truly content, till I’ve achieved what I want, till the harvest is brought home.

What plagues me is whether I’m missing something. Am I missing out on the simple life by having such bloody grand expectations? Should I set my sights a bit lower?

But I know myself, setting the sights lower would not mean reaching happiness faster, because it would not make me happy. My goals are high for a reason, because when I reach those goals, I would be so happy I'd be FLYING!

So the simple life, just isn’t for moi. I’ll just have to rough it out, and when the hope waivers I’ll just have to remind myself, that I can’t settle for less, simply because of who I am.

A bientôt

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