Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Turn over another page...

'Tis over with new boy. I haven't really told him yet but i know that i don't want to be with him in 'that' way. He's perfect in the way that he's nice and kind and sweet and understanding and caring etc etc etc BUT that's not enough. You know when you're with someone and you just HAVE to be close to him in every way, touch him even if it's just brushing his hand? Well i don't have that with him. And when i hung out with a couple this weekend i realized that i WANT that! I want to not be able to sit next to a boy without holding his hand, or brushing against him in some way so that there's a constant connection. It's not sexual, merely that electric feeling of wanting to be with someone. As horrible as it ended, i remembered how it was with my Ex, and WOW it was amazing!! For the 2 and a half years we were together, we always had that unavoidable force pulling us together. OK it wasn't so strong in the end, bt it was still there.

I want that. I want to feel like that again. And i am not going to feel that with new boy. I tried, I resisted my initial urge to split when things got a bit slow, and i tried. But i can't force what should come naturally. Yet i feel guilty for having to break up with him. It won't be a surprise as i have already told him that "something was off" (yes i actually said that!). I don't want to waste his time. He's too nice for me to do that. I only hope that we can b friends afterwards cuz he really is a nice guy!

Oh well i guess i'm back to being alone! Any ideas where i can meet a not so nice cutie who's got an appetite for fun and don't mind a fling?

I realised through the 'new boy' experience that I can't have an entirely nice boy, I need someone who's a bit more exciting! I also know that i'd rather be alone than with someone I don't really fancy... So till that person comes along. Je suis célibataire!

A bientôt

4 comments:

Gehan said...

electricity is very important!! nothing wrong in wanting that... :)

lucky_me said...

thanks! in some weird way, 'approval' from a totally anonymous person makes it easier. i need all the confidence i can get cuz telling him tonight! :S Dumping ppl only get's harder everytime!

Gehan said...

aye caramba... all da best with tat! n if he gives ya any trouble, just tell him "the darkside's got my back"... >:D lol....

lucky_me said...

Well it went alright.. Just he's pretty upset methinks. Doesn't get how things changed so quickly. I dn't know myself. Just that I can't b with him. Gonna b a bit strange cuz we're going to c eachother cuz mutual friends, and the frenchy community in cmb isn't very big! Thanks for ze 'darkside' support en tout cas! And now for a rebound ONS! :P