More to Life?

I just came home from a meeting with someone with a very intelligent person who I went to for advice on what to do next now that I have finished my Masters. He pointed out something that noone else, not even my mother, has told me : there is more to life that studies and work! 

It sounds like a cliché, but I have never really considered that. Upto now, my life has been a series of steps on the educational ladder. At 24 my next steps would be to pass the Bar exam, get a job and do a Phd. Somehow everything else faded away into the background as insignificant details. But this person made all those details come back into focus again. 

Of course, I can't say I don't have a life. But have I really put enough effort into it? In the last five years I have never really paid much attention to my family. In fact I've been trying to run away from them. I've had one long term relationship and when that failed I just gave up and took the easy way by having an endless line of flings and being attracted to unavailable men. I have 2 friends I would give my life for, but I haven't made a real effort in widening my friend base. I have acquaintances not friends. 

And every time I give my education and career as an excuse to hide from any significant relationship. My education is more important. My career is more important. But in reality, IS it? 

I feel like a horse who's blinds have been taken off. I've been looking ahead towards my studies and my career, I haven't seen what I've put to the sidelines. 

And now I have decisions to make. Am I going to keep running away and find a job overseas or am I going to stay at home and 'put down roots'? 

Every fibre of my brain tells me to run away! 

So why am I crying finally seeing what's been on the sidelines? 

The problem is that I DO NOT KNOW! 

I WANT to keep running, but I know I SHOULD stop... 

This is EXACTLY why I hate making decisions! 

Come on universe.. send me a sign!!!! 

A bientôt