Monday, May 3, 2010

Last Days..

It's my last few days here...

I have an exam tomorrow. My last exam hopefully for a while... I'm not prepared half as well as I should be. On top of that I'm SICK! Not extremely but I'm pretty sure i have a slight fever and well, I LOOK sick! I look pale and my eyes are dull.. I hate looking at myself in the mirror when I look at that, worse perhaps than actually feeling like it. I know I should try hard since it's probably the final hurdle of my Masters. But I feel exhausted! And i'm finally starting to realise that I'm leaving in a few days. Partings ways with all the amazing people I met here. I'm going to miss all of them, especially a certain friend who has NO idea how I feel about him. I adore him, I like him more than a friend, but well, I guess he'll never know and now is not the time for confessions. Maybe in a few years I'll tell him and we'll laugh about it. 

But right now, it's not just about him. It's about me. About where I am in life... Something I haven't been able to get myself to think about, something I've been DREADING thinking about. They say life is full of possibilities, but nobody ever says how HARD it is to deal with so many possibilities. How painful it is to choose! I've never been good at deciding things. Life seemed to just decide things for me... things always flowed, at least education and career-wise. As to men, well, I guess I'm still now ready for commitment. I thought I wanted something stable and loving. But more I think of it... less I believe it's for me. Oh well, I don't know where the currents in this river of life are going to take me next. I guess I'll just have to cross my fingers and hope I don't hit any hidden rocks. 

I should get back to revising now. 

A bientôt

6 comments:

M Hastings said...

Transitions in life can be hard, but they're really good, too! Take care!

Shaylynn said...

Perfect stranger, I was in a moment of boredom and decided to blog surf and I came across yours and I think it't delightful! The world is yours, congrats on getting your masters..

most men are assholes:) a lot of women are bitches. Truth:)

Vans said...

Just dropping by, good luck with those exams

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