Y'a plus rien a cacher.
Tout est exposé.
Fragile, permeable.
Me voila dans tout mon gloire,
Ou non.
Regards bien,
Apprecies,
Ou non,
OUBLIES!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Santé!!!!
Margarita's on Thursdays is simply NOT enough!
I want Margarita's served by a Parrot in a shirt!
I want Blue Margarita's at the Margarita Blue Galadari!
I want Strawberry Margarita's at Darling made by Jaz!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Lucky for me!
It's been 2 months since i last smoked. It hasn't been very hard since I was never a chain smoker. But these days I've been feeling so blue that I'm craving for a cigarette and an espresso!
I miss Lucky Strike lights :(
I miss Benson lights too!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
New Cow
So this weekend i came across an interesting movie from back in 2001 called 'Someone like you'. It was a typical romantic comedy, except for a theory that the lead actress came up with. After being dumped for no reason by a guy with whom she shared a seemingly ideal love story, she started her quest to rationalize male behavior. This led her to find similarities between the mating behaviors of male cows (bulls) and human males.
The theory goes like this -
"New-Cow is short for New-Cow theory, which is short for Old-Cow-New-Cow theory, which, of course, is short for the sad, sorry truth that men leave women and never come back because all they really want is New Cow."
To explain further, according to this theory, male cows always want new females to mate with. They don't want to revisit where they've been before and are always searching for newer pastures to graze in. Just like the male cow, the human male too seems to want a new partner as soon as the old one becomes, well, old (not referring simply to age here)!
Now that the theoretical side of it is explained, i'd like to go into why this theory interests me.
First of all, I think that it's hard to actually come up with a plausible theory of human behavior (which the lead actress in the movie eventually found out). But there's nothing against theorizing. Because that's just what it is, a theory, not solid fact. It might not account for anything, but it's interesting do think about.
So i think that this theory can be used not only for males but for people in general. In relationships, it's easy to get used to someone. And then, this new cow comes along, all refreshing and different, and it's very easy to get attracted to. I think humans love diversity. We're built to evolve, to change, and because of that, we love to experience new things, or new cows...
This might also find a cause in the natural cycle of procreation. Men need to spread their seed, and women need to find better genes to mix with. So out with the old cow and in with the new. And this process will continue to repeat itself.
The New Cow theory, i think, goes hand in hand with the theory that humans are not monogamous creatures. Some statistic state that 50% of people in committed relationships, cheat on their partner. Needless to say, these statistics are not from the most secure of sources, but I think that they CAN be true. And the New Cow theory can explain how this can happen. After being in a committed relationship for many years, either one or both of the partners find the other old, and eventually a cow comes along who's new and exciting enough to be able to make one forget or just not care about commitment!
The theory goes like this -
"New-Cow is short for New-Cow theory, which is short for Old-Cow-New-Cow theory, which, of course, is short for the sad, sorry truth that men leave women and never come back because all they really want is New Cow."
To explain further, according to this theory, male cows always want new females to mate with. They don't want to revisit where they've been before and are always searching for newer pastures to graze in. Just like the male cow, the human male too seems to want a new partner as soon as the old one becomes, well, old (not referring simply to age here)!
Now that the theoretical side of it is explained, i'd like to go into why this theory interests me.
First of all, I think that it's hard to actually come up with a plausible theory of human behavior (which the lead actress in the movie eventually found out). But there's nothing against theorizing. Because that's just what it is, a theory, not solid fact. It might not account for anything, but it's interesting do think about.
So i think that this theory can be used not only for males but for people in general. In relationships, it's easy to get used to someone. And then, this new cow comes along, all refreshing and different, and it's very easy to get attracted to. I think humans love diversity. We're built to evolve, to change, and because of that, we love to experience new things, or new cows...
This might also find a cause in the natural cycle of procreation. Men need to spread their seed, and women need to find better genes to mix with. So out with the old cow and in with the new. And this process will continue to repeat itself.
The New Cow theory, i think, goes hand in hand with the theory that humans are not monogamous creatures. Some statistic state that 50% of people in committed relationships, cheat on their partner. Needless to say, these statistics are not from the most secure of sources, but I think that they CAN be true. And the New Cow theory can explain how this can happen. After being in a committed relationship for many years, either one or both of the partners find the other old, and eventually a cow comes along who's new and exciting enough to be able to make one forget or just not care about commitment!
Regarding me, personally, I think that the New Cow theory might actually explain a lot of my own behavior. While in a relationship, i'm very much attracted to new cows, making me temporarily forget the old ones, and even going to the extent of not feeling guilty about my grazing. I also come up with theories to justify my behaviour, such as the Geographically Single theory when ones partner is not in the same country, and sometimes even when not in the same city.
Of course this post should be taken with a grain of salt, as it's more of a humorous anecdote with a dash of seriousness...
Of course this post should be taken with a grain of salt, as it's more of a humorous anecdote with a dash of seriousness...
I don't know if there are faithful, monogamous cows, but i really hope that there are humans out there who are like this. Despite being a cynic, i still like to hope that someone out there can disprove me.
A bientôt
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Single: To be or not to be...
A pretty set of solar powered lights that look good togetherAfter 2 and a half years of being in a serious relationship i feel like I haven't really felt single the last few months. Except of course for a few times when i've had a blues.
There have been so many things happening, so many changes, so many men that have crossed my path, that i haven't felt like i really needed to be in a relationship. Even when i did have a chance at one, it didn't work out for absolutely no explainable reason...
I can't deny that it wasn't nice being in a couple. Being a set, an awesome twosome! It felt secure, i had someone i could tell everything to, someone to listen to my little quirky remarks about my day, someone to console me in my hypochondriac moments, someone to tell everything to (almost everything).
But then again, when i really think about it, he was more of a cross between a parent and best friend for me. Because i was far from home, with my best friend living in a different country, albeit not too far away. But now, i'm back at home. My mum is there to fuss over me, my best friend is still in a different country, now even further than before but she's still there for me to tell things to... So he's not really missed.
What i do miss is the physical side of being in a relationship. The hugs, the cuddling, the holding hands, looking into eyes.. Yet, being in a long distance relationship, i wasn't really getting much of that.
So in the end, i really don't feel like i'm missing something. Apparently if a few months i'll feel different. A very close friend of mine who has been single for more than a year tells me that she feels lonely, that she wants something to look forward to, someone to hold her in that special way, to be loved..
I of course tried to pacify her saying solitude is a given for us human beings, and to not look for love, and that it'll find u, the usual clichés stuff...
But it got me thinking. Do i or do i not want to be single?
My question was asnwered a few minutes after my conversation with my friend. A girl from class started telling me about her relationship with her bf, and WOW, i think her relationship would come a close second in the 'messed up relationship' scale!
All throught her banter, i felt myself thanking a 'higher power' for being single! I didn't want complications in my life. My mess just ended and i did NOT want to get in another one!
The next day I found an article about a girl who makes a pact to be single for a year! I'd like to do this, but i wonder if being single allows for random hooks ups, because i sincerely hope that a year of singleness does not equate to a year of abstinence!!!
Whatever it means, i think that i'll try being single for about 6 months. Things are so simple when you're single. No need to worry about what another person thinks. Love, i get enough of from my family; sex, I can find it when i need it; company, friends do the trick!
So here's to a single first half of 2009 - Tchin tchin!!
A bientôt
Monday, January 5, 2009
J'ai fais Table Rase!
'Faire table rase' is a french expression meaning have a clean plate, start at zero... And this is exactly what i feel like doing!
Out goes the black background and sombre colour scheme of my blog, and in comes the multicolour texts, beautiful beach header (that i captured myself) and lots of happy and positive blogs to make the blog even more colourful!
First of all i'd like to share my 3 new years resolutions. I'm not one who has a track record of keeping resolutions but these seem to be very achievable and i hope that i'd be able to see them through.
1. Drive to work alone by the end of the month (of January)
2. Exercise 15 mins daily (with the option of increasing the duration)
3. Let people talk to me
Despite how hard it is to get oneself motivated to work out, i think that it's my last resolution that will be the hardest to stick to.
The reason behind this particular resolution is my realisation of the fortress that i have built around myself. Slowly, through the years, and the bad experiences that i have had with other people, brick by brick i had created a very solid wall around myself, with a few entrances for a handful of people who, after having won the right to enter, have had access to me completely.
But everyone else, i block out. I seem very social, and open and out-going to the outside world. Little do they know that what they see is only a tip of the iceberg, and in some cases, a chunk of plastic that i use to comouflage the real one!
Therefore my resolution is to let people talk to me, not just the ones I want to talk to but also the ones who want to talk to me!
To let people into my world, at least let them have a little peek into it..
It feels so easy to close up.. I have been closed up for so long, even to people i thought i was opening up to. Like my ex, who saw only what he wanted to see, and who i showed only that...
I don't think this particular trait of mine is something that i singlehandedly developed. I think that 'others' had a hand in the building of the fortress. I am starting to feel lonely in this world that i've created for myself. Especially as the rare ones who hold a key into it, are so very far away...
The bane of humanity is that we are social animals, we crave for others of our own kind. Yet ironically, we are isolated in our thoughts... Our coporeal selves are thrown into a crowd whereas our mental selves are always alone.. It's hard to constantly be alone in a crowd, yet this is what every single human being is cursed to live through for their short life spans.
And as Thomas Wolfe put it "Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man".
A bientôt
Out goes the black background and sombre colour scheme of my blog, and in comes the multicolour texts, beautiful beach header (that i captured myself) and lots of happy and positive blogs to make the blog even more colourful!
First of all i'd like to share my 3 new years resolutions. I'm not one who has a track record of keeping resolutions but these seem to be very achievable and i hope that i'd be able to see them through.
1. Drive to work alone by the end of the month (of January)
2. Exercise 15 mins daily (with the option of increasing the duration)
3. Let people talk to me
Despite how hard it is to get oneself motivated to work out, i think that it's my last resolution that will be the hardest to stick to.
The reason behind this particular resolution is my realisation of the fortress that i have built around myself. Slowly, through the years, and the bad experiences that i have had with other people, brick by brick i had created a very solid wall around myself, with a few entrances for a handful of people who, after having won the right to enter, have had access to me completely.
But everyone else, i block out. I seem very social, and open and out-going to the outside world. Little do they know that what they see is only a tip of the iceberg, and in some cases, a chunk of plastic that i use to comouflage the real one!
Therefore my resolution is to let people talk to me, not just the ones I want to talk to but also the ones who want to talk to me!
To let people into my world, at least let them have a little peek into it..
It feels so easy to close up.. I have been closed up for so long, even to people i thought i was opening up to. Like my ex, who saw only what he wanted to see, and who i showed only that...
I don't think this particular trait of mine is something that i singlehandedly developed. I think that 'others' had a hand in the building of the fortress. I am starting to feel lonely in this world that i've created for myself. Especially as the rare ones who hold a key into it, are so very far away...
The bane of humanity is that we are social animals, we crave for others of our own kind. Yet ironically, we are isolated in our thoughts... Our coporeal selves are thrown into a crowd whereas our mental selves are always alone.. It's hard to constantly be alone in a crowd, yet this is what every single human being is cursed to live through for their short life spans.
And as Thomas Wolfe put it "Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man".
A bientôt
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Psycho EX
OMG i am SEETHING right now!
Yesterday i had one of the most freakiest experiences in my 22 years on this earth!
I was just going to do some grocery shopping at Foodcity with my mommy, and before that we dropped into the lil clothes shop next to it to see if there was anything interesting. So there i was happily shopping, when i get a call from my brother telling me that an old friend of mine came to see me at home! And i knew from his tone who it was! So the EX had come over, and started shouting my name from the gate. It's a bit far from the gate to the house so it took a while for the maid to hear... by then he had started to shout Lokubaba cuz he knows that's what i'm called at home.. Then when my maid went out to see who it was, she didn't see anyone cuz he and his FRIEND (yes he brought a friend along) were behind tall Bougainvillea bush by the gate! When he heard my maid's voice, she recognized it and started shouting HER name (i can't believe he STILL remembered her name tho). My poor maid was freaked out and called for my brother! And my idiot of a brother told the EX that i had gone to Foodcity with my mum! Then given the house number when the EX had asked for my brother's number..
So there i was shopping happily, when i get this news. So obviously i was worried about going to Foodcity now cuz knowing him, it's highly possible he was there. So we went in (mum and me), i checked out all the aisles, and the coast was CLEAR! PHEW! Then i texted one of my best friends who (thankfully) is back in Lanka for the holidays. Then while i was trying to decide between bacon or minced beef he shouted my name twice from about 5m away. i turned. My heart was beating so fast i thought it might pop out of my rib cage any time! I was scared, panicking! I was totally disoriented. I looked at him for a second, did a short movement with my hand without lifting it from my waist to acknowledge his presence, then ran to my mum, but had to take a few steps back cuz i had forgotten to bring the caddy!!!
So basically i stuck to my mum like glue till she finished shopping. All the while texting my friend (A). And A kept telling me that i shudn't talk to him whatever happens and my mum kept telling me that i shud be nice and go talk to him. I was even talking in sinhala, like EVERY word cuz i didn't want him to understand in case he was nearby. Bt i didn't bother to go talk to him, and i didn't look for him. But i DID think it was quite funny, somehow, and i was laughing (i guess it was the shock). So finally we were done with shopping and went to the cashier. I was let out a sigh of relief. We're outta here soon.
THEN i saw him. He was outside, on the other side of the road from Foodcity and he was staring at me. The WHOLE TIME we were checking out he was STARING! I only noticed him cuz i felt the stare... He was like a ghost. All pale in a black t shirt! Ugh!!! I still get visions of that... I was really scared. But i laughed it off. Mum wanted to go talk to him but i dragged her to the car and went home. I didn't really relax till about an hour after we got home.
But then the real feeling hit! Especially when my mum went on about how i shouldn't treat him like this etc etc...
I was in SHOCK! My ex, who i broke up with 9 months ago was STALKING me! For heaven's sake he could have gone to ANY country. But he chose to come to Sri Lanka for xmas! And he KNEW i didn't want to see him. I made it VERY clear!!!!
And he fucking STALKED me!!!! Snuck up on me!!! Bloody scared me!!!!
And NOW he's trying to fucking MANIPULATE my MOTHER sending her emails apologizing for not saying hello to her, and thanking her for all she did etc etc etc... so my MOTHER is telling me i should be kinder to him, and not treat him like the enemy.
Thank GOD i have A and her dad who's like a father to me.. Cuz my parents just don't seem to understand what the EX is trying to do! What a manipulating ASSHOLE he really is.
Just cuz we were practically married and i broke up with him don't mean that he has the right to pop up at my gate like that. ESPECIALLY when i was SO clear that i didn't want to see him!
This was the first time i saw him since the 31st of December 2007. A YEAR! The first time since we broke up. I didn't want to see him. It's hard to see him. Just seeing him in Foodcity reminds me of times we used to walk over there in our summers together to buy stuff..
I don't want those memories again! I don't want him again. And i want him to disappear from my life. Just cuz he doesn't regret our relationship doesn't mean i have to not regret it too! Just cuz he wud do it all over again doesn't mean i want to do that too!
If i knew how this was going to end i would NEVER have gone out with him!
And here i am back at the start, not trusting guys, thinkin that i'll never find someone who'll really understand me, who'll love me for who i REALLY am, and not who they think i am..
I knew that he cud do this, i expected this when he came to france 3 months after the breakup, i was expecting him to come knocking at my door. Bt not NOW, not 9 months later. Not when he says that he's over it etc etc..
ARGH!!!! I cud SCREAM right now!
Breathe!!!
Yesterday i had one of the most freakiest experiences in my 22 years on this earth!
I was just going to do some grocery shopping at Foodcity with my mommy, and before that we dropped into the lil clothes shop next to it to see if there was anything interesting. So there i was happily shopping, when i get a call from my brother telling me that an old friend of mine came to see me at home! And i knew from his tone who it was! So the EX had come over, and started shouting my name from the gate. It's a bit far from the gate to the house so it took a while for the maid to hear... by then he had started to shout Lokubaba cuz he knows that's what i'm called at home.. Then when my maid went out to see who it was, she didn't see anyone cuz he and his FRIEND (yes he brought a friend along) were behind tall Bougainvillea bush by the gate! When he heard my maid's voice, she recognized it and started shouting HER name (i can't believe he STILL remembered her name tho). My poor maid was freaked out and called for my brother! And my idiot of a brother told the EX that i had gone to Foodcity with my mum! Then given the house number when the EX had asked for my brother's number..
So there i was shopping happily, when i get this news. So obviously i was worried about going to Foodcity now cuz knowing him, it's highly possible he was there. So we went in (mum and me), i checked out all the aisles, and the coast was CLEAR! PHEW! Then i texted one of my best friends who (thankfully) is back in Lanka for the holidays. Then while i was trying to decide between bacon or minced beef he shouted my name twice from about 5m away. i turned. My heart was beating so fast i thought it might pop out of my rib cage any time! I was scared, panicking! I was totally disoriented. I looked at him for a second, did a short movement with my hand without lifting it from my waist to acknowledge his presence, then ran to my mum, but had to take a few steps back cuz i had forgotten to bring the caddy!!!
So basically i stuck to my mum like glue till she finished shopping. All the while texting my friend (A). And A kept telling me that i shudn't talk to him whatever happens and my mum kept telling me that i shud be nice and go talk to him. I was even talking in sinhala, like EVERY word cuz i didn't want him to understand in case he was nearby. Bt i didn't bother to go talk to him, and i didn't look for him. But i DID think it was quite funny, somehow, and i was laughing (i guess it was the shock). So finally we were done with shopping and went to the cashier. I was let out a sigh of relief. We're outta here soon.
THEN i saw him. He was outside, on the other side of the road from Foodcity and he was staring at me. The WHOLE TIME we were checking out he was STARING! I only noticed him cuz i felt the stare... He was like a ghost. All pale in a black t shirt! Ugh!!! I still get visions of that... I was really scared. But i laughed it off. Mum wanted to go talk to him but i dragged her to the car and went home. I didn't really relax till about an hour after we got home.
But then the real feeling hit! Especially when my mum went on about how i shouldn't treat him like this etc etc...
I was in SHOCK! My ex, who i broke up with 9 months ago was STALKING me! For heaven's sake he could have gone to ANY country. But he chose to come to Sri Lanka for xmas! And he KNEW i didn't want to see him. I made it VERY clear!!!!
And he fucking STALKED me!!!! Snuck up on me!!! Bloody scared me!!!!
And NOW he's trying to fucking MANIPULATE my MOTHER sending her emails apologizing for not saying hello to her, and thanking her for all she did etc etc etc... so my MOTHER is telling me i should be kinder to him, and not treat him like the enemy.
Thank GOD i have A and her dad who's like a father to me.. Cuz my parents just don't seem to understand what the EX is trying to do! What a manipulating ASSHOLE he really is.
Just cuz we were practically married and i broke up with him don't mean that he has the right to pop up at my gate like that. ESPECIALLY when i was SO clear that i didn't want to see him!
This was the first time i saw him since the 31st of December 2007. A YEAR! The first time since we broke up. I didn't want to see him. It's hard to see him. Just seeing him in Foodcity reminds me of times we used to walk over there in our summers together to buy stuff..
I don't want those memories again! I don't want him again. And i want him to disappear from my life. Just cuz he doesn't regret our relationship doesn't mean i have to not regret it too! Just cuz he wud do it all over again doesn't mean i want to do that too!
If i knew how this was going to end i would NEVER have gone out with him!
And here i am back at the start, not trusting guys, thinkin that i'll never find someone who'll really understand me, who'll love me for who i REALLY am, and not who they think i am..
I knew that he cud do this, i expected this when he came to france 3 months after the breakup, i was expecting him to come knocking at my door. Bt not NOW, not 9 months later. Not when he says that he's over it etc etc..
ARGH!!!! I cud SCREAM right now!
Breathe!!!
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