This has been something me and my best friend have been saying for a long time - they're all assholes. By 'they' we obviously mean BOYS (of all ages!). It started out as venting out frustrations about respective boyfriends. Then we just realised be it boyfriends, fathers, brothers, friends, strangers, they're all assholes. I used to say that my ex was an asshole that I love. But an asshole nonetheless.
I was reminded of this because last weekend I ran into one such asshole, in all his glory. Actually, he was the first guy I thought was cute this semester when I saw him at the first party of the year. I asked for his number, and texted a bit but he didn't seem too interested and i found out he had a girlfriend back in Switzerland so I just gave up. Anyhow, a few weeks ago i noticed him flirting with me, but i was too into my guy friend at the time so didn't pay much attention to him. But on Saturday I was out on a whim with only my flatmate and bumped into him. Again he was very flirty. I knew for a fact that his girlfriend had been to visit not more than a month ago. But after a dozen or so drinks i didn't care. He was cute, I was drunk, I'd been 'good' for more than a month, so I gave into temptation. The next morning as I groggily opened my eyes to find him next to me, I realised I didn't really like him anymore. I was merely happy I had gotten what I wanted that first party of the year.
And then I remembered his girlfriend. Now, he's not the first guy I've been with who i knew was in a relationship. Initially I used to feel guilty about it. But now i feel like it is not I who have to feel guilty but them. I didn't force them into a romp with me. On the contrary, the pleasure was almost all theirs.
However, it does make them total ASSHOLES!
I've known what it's like to be cheated on. I've known what it's like to have someone many thousand miles away who betrayed my love. I've also known what it's like to be the one betraying love. I was hurt by the former and I've felt guilty of the latter. Both are feelings that I would rather not go through again, and those that I wouldn't wish on anyone else. But it still doesn't make me regret sleeping with the very cute blue eyes blondie on Saturday! :)
Maybe that makes me as much of an asshole as the guys I slander with my best friend. It doesn't matter. We all know that guys can never keep it in their pants!
On a different tone, despite the fact that boys are such assholes, I know that I miss being close to one, sharing things, letting myself trust and having sex that actually means something. I know it doesn't come just because I want it. But at least now I feel more open to the idea. I don't deny that it scares me. But I'd like to feel that. I'd like to take that risk again.
Like a very good friend once said to me; love is like the wind, you don't feel it when you run after it. But when you stop, you will feel it all around you.
A bientôt
5 comments:
It is always like that - don't pay attention to them and they will run after you till the end of the world! ;D
Yes, it's true. Men are mostly a disappointing lot. I guess they just get it too damn easy nowadays. Hey, I took the liberty of clicking on your ads while i was here, I like to do that for other people who have ads. Your blog looks cool by the way. xx
Idiots! If men are all assholes, then women are all whores. We screw you and dump you, and if it's been free, then all the better. Idiot!
You are not wholly to blame for said "cute guy's" moment of infidelity but you are responsible for your own actions drunk or not (ask the brass if you don't think so) and that was a slut move. Not that you are a slut, just that you should not have slept with someone who is in a relationship. Free will comes at the price of discretion over one's actions.
assholes indeed! but then again...who cares as long as both of u get what u wanted? and guilty? what does it mean? :P
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