Monday, September 15, 2008

Fresh New Page

A fresh new page on a fresh new blog and a fresh new page in life... The two seem to go well together!

It is indeed a very fresh and very new page that i have turned in life three months ago. It has taken me all this time to be able to come out and face the fact that I'm going to be living here for at least another year. It was very hard at first, missing friends, missing the freedom of living alone (ie: without parents), missing a country where u can walk on the road without coming home with a layer of dust all over you or being almost run over by a crazy bus, where you can actually go about without seeing one soldier, or being asked for your ID at least once a day! The biggest difficulty I faced was dealing with just HOW MUCH has changed in my life!

A few months before i left, dumped my boyfriend of 2 and a half years (we were practically married)... and since then there have been a plethora of men in my life, none of whom meant a single thing to me!

So here i was, back living with my parents (dealing with all THEIR problems), alone - no boyfriend, no best friend living in the same city, no really close friends either, no plans on going back to a fac at the end of summer, no job and worst of all, NO idea who i was anymore!!!!

It's probably wrong to think that who you are is made up of what you do, who you date, who you befriend, but a large part of your personality IS in fact largely affected by those things.
So when i came home in July, in a true French fashion, I went through an existentialist crisis!
It didn't help that I had absolutely NOTHING to do except sleep and watch movies, which gave me WAY too much time to think, and drag me into the 'depths of depression'.
Looking back, I think that I was going through this crisis since i broke up with my ex, but i had exams, and friends, and a quite an 'adventurous' life in France, and then during my Eurotrip, that I didn't have time to face it!

And facing it was the hardest thing of all! I felt sick, I felt alone, sad and empty... But thank (the geek) god for new technology! Because of the wonder of technology, i could talk to my best friends every day, and write essay-length emails every other day. And with their help (especially my BESTest friend who is in Switzerland) I was able to walk through the existentialist storm that had hit me!

Well now that I have established how miserable I was, I can say how I've been able to weather the storm, and come to a point where I can just about see a clear sky not too far ahead of me...

That being said, it's pretty obvious that i have far more to go, and much more to write about.

So à bientôt!




5 comments:

Oreste said...

Ciao Lucky, un saluto e un abbraccio da Roma.

nuwis said...

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DeeCee said...

oh gosh...so many changes. I guess with time, the culture shock will pass and you'l be ok. It certainly is pretty bad here, when comparing to europe of course.
On your break up...look at it like a calling. A sign for newer things. :) Enjoy your job, being home with parents and carefully but surely you will make new friends :) g'luck!

lucky_me said...

Thanks deecee! I'm pretty sure things will get better, it's just that i guess i'm sad about losing all that i built up over the years.. It's been a month since i wrote this post, i'm MUCH better, bt there's still a nagging something...

noorie said...

a very interesting blog!