Life is a rollercoaster...

As Ronan Keating of Boyzone fame put it, life is indeed a rollercoaster ride. Especially with the swift changes in emotions that we sometimes experience. One moment i'm in cloud nine with a just a few words. And the next moment, with another brief sentence I'm in the depths of depression! I hate feeling this way! I hate being so vulnerable. I hate that he makes me feel this way. So raw. I wish i could rise above this about be completely unfazed by his apparent lack of interest. But I can't. All I can do is pretend to be unfazed. Be patient. However much times I repeat it to myself it simply does NOT get easier.

If life is indeed the rollercoaster it seems to be, then i think there's a high coming sometime soon..

A bientôt

A second could last a millenium

A brush of a hand, a glance my way,
The blood rushing through my veins.
Eyes meet, heat rises,
A second could last a millenium.

Lips part, tongue dances, I bite my lips and smile.
His chin rises as he smiles to himself, but only for a second.
And that second, lasts a millenium.

The power of a second, a moment in life, almost insignificant.
But for the eyes, for the heart, for the skin and soul,
A second could last a millenium.

Blood pressure rising, temperature soaring,
I can feel the sparks in the air.
Eyes colliding like atoms, to create a nuclear explosion in our bodies!

That electric touch, that nuclear glance,
A second could last a millenium.

I'm in a

... dreamworld

Sex, drugs and rock and roll...

In French, when someone tells you that you're very 'rock and roll', it means that ur very libertine, very open... To new experiences, to experimenting... That you embody the whole 'rock and roll' era. Although a few people tell me that i'm très rock and roll, i know that i'm not. I could introduce you to someone that is, but no, not me. Maybe i have some 'rock and roll' tendancies, but essentially i'm not.
Why do i know this? It's because i miss someone coming upto me from behind, wrapping his arms around me, and snuggling his face in my neck, in my hair, breathing me in. I miss the way it is to be looked at by a man who loves you, who looks at you as if you are perfection itself. I miss the way it feels to hear someone cry 'je t'aime' in the throws of passion. I miss saying ''good morning'', and really mean it because the morning started off beautifully. I miss holding hands under the table, rubbing eachothers hands with the thumb. I miss those whispery kisses running down my spine.

I have not be playing the 'game' for long. For most of the past 10 months that i have been single, i've been above 'the game'. I used the same field, but I was above all the rules, and I knew i would win without even bothering to play.

Like anything that is overdone, it got boring. So now, since of late, i have been trying to play the game, and i realise that i'm absolutely TERRIBLE! I hate the rules, maybe it's the habit of having overlooked them for so long. I feel confined into a one field whereas before, i could jump from one field to another without a thought! And unlike before, i do not know if i would win. My opponent used to only be a pawn in my win, but now, the win depends on him. I don't know how long i'll be able to keep up with this game. I am slowly learning the rules as i go along...

But i've gotten a taste for victory... I'm addicted to victory. Unfortunately my opponant is aware of this, and will force me to play my best game. But i have faith. Despite not being 100% sure of a win. I am 100% hopeful of it! If i don't win this game, there'll always be others... Yet, unlike when i used to be above 'the game', there are now risks. AHHH now that's the only thing that's keeping this game FUN!

A bientôt

Amused and confused

Wow he's SO effing entertaining! Of course, he knows that. He thrives on that. But I can't help being awed by it. By him... He's charming. He's utterly irritating. He seems sincere but I can't don't know if he is. He seems to be a gentleman. I think he is. He seems to be interested. He most definitely is. But am i? What do I want? I think I want to talk to him again, be amused for another 5 hours with several glasses of vodka tonic! Do i like him? I don't hate him anymore. I like him as a person. He's quirky, and silly, and very eccentric and I really like people like that.

I've never been this confused about something for a while!!! He says he sees things as blacks and whites, but me i'm a grey person.. I like to simplify things, but i'm complicated. Of course. One yearns for what one is not... To fill a void. Maybe we could be friends... friends that kiss? WHY does that immediately make me think of Dawson's creek??!??!!!

I'm confused!

A bientôt