Monday, November 1, 2010

I'm superficial, bitch! Deal with it!!

I'm usually such a positive person and that reflects on my writing. But the past couple of months i've noticed that i've been feeling sad and negative. Maybe i'm going through a bout of depression. 


Of course, who would LIKE being depressed i wonder. Anyhow, like the legendary Barney Stinson might say, "when i'm feeling sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead!". True story. 

I can't say that life has made this task easier. I'm currently studying for MORE exams. Exams which won't end till December 2011! But they're the most important exams in my career so far. After this, I'll be a fully fledged lawyer. I'll be able to go stand up in court and say, "Your Honour, I disagree!" Just like in the movies! 

But hopefully after my pupillage I won't have to sight a court, because that's not where I want my career to go. 

Enough of the shop talk. I need to get to the point. I think I've gotten used to talking AROUND the subject! How very lawyer-ish of me! 

It doesn't come with much surprise that I'm superficial. I'm superficial about the clothes I wear, the way i look, the people I associate, the places I go to, the way in which I live, the men i date and the way I want my life to be. I know that it's not proper to be so superficial. And that beauty is but skin deep, and that materialism isn't good etcetera etcetera etcetera. But do I really give a damn? N-O-N. PAS DU TOUT!! I can't apologize for who I am. I'm a good person. I do not have any qualms with the poor, the disabled, or i should say, the less fortunate and the differently-abled. I do what I can to help and I believe that when one has been lucky enough to blessed with plenty, one should give to those who aren't. I'm not all bad really! 

But in the way I 'run' (if i may use that word) my life, I am superficial. It's not that I look like a model, or that all my friends look like models, that all my ex's are models. But a significant percentage of my friends and ex's ARE. Just a few days ago, I was googling the Empty Australian who I had a fling with the beginning of the year. Apparently he's a model. I looked at his portfolio and HOT DAYM! Boy is B-E-A oootiful! I'd forgotten what a perfect male specimen he was. That got me thinking, and actually there are about 4 or 5 guy's i've had things with who actually model. And some who can model if they wanted to. 

When I was showing a friend the webpage of the Empty Australian, she said she didn't like guys like that. That he was 'too' beautiful. That i was superficial. I think she was just jealous and said so because she knows a guy like that will never chat her up! Am i being vain? You bet i am! Am i being realistic. OF COURSE. 

I'm superficial. But being superficial doesn't mean that i am shallow. True, guys like the Empty Australian whilst satisfying me Oh so very well physically, would never satisfy me on the long term. I need someone with personality, with charm, with wit, culture and style, someone adventurous, confident enough to be silly and make fun of himself, but still able to be sophisticated. In that description, did i even once mention HOT? NOPE. Because he doesn't have to look like a model if he has all those qualities. His personality will overshadow his physical attributes or any lack of such. I have met guys who come close to this. I have been hurt by guys who have come close to this. But I am yet to meet someone like this who will earn my trust. I know that somewhere beyond the superficiality lies someone who has a lot of ideals, principles and beliefs. Who says that a superficial person can't have deep thoughts? Superficial doesn't mean I'm STUPID! 

It just means I like to SEE beauty rather skin a person, metaphorically, to see their beauty! 

In conclusion, I'm superficial, bitch! Deal with it! 

A bientot 

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